The Comfort of Being Surrounded by Books

Sitting upstairs in my book room, I am surrounded by shelves and boxes and piles full of books on grief and sorrow, which has expanded to books on grace, God and gratitude.  Looking over the titles, I remember the messages which enriched me and comforted me along my journey. For a long while, I have felt that I am in a transition, on the brink, waiting for a prod in the right direction.  Now, suddenly, I feel an inner calm, on a lake of smooth water, a certain assurance in my mood.  I do not mean to suggest that I feel that I have attained a level of self-satisfied enlightenment.  I am perennially praying, always asking for forgiveness, seeking daily to be a better human.  But somehow, today, I feel a clearing in the dappled fog.  

My mother and sisters and I took a first-ever weekend girls trip together to an island near Charleston South Carolina last week.  We had a wonderful time staying in the beautiful home of my very dear friends Debbie and Tim.  It was an extremely restorative respite for us following the months early in this year which brought the deaths of my father from Covid-19, and my brother-in-law Jim from a heart attack at too young an age.  We found that we enjoyed each other’s company so much.  We played on the beach – for several of us for the first time in 20 years – and enjoyed a tour of Charleston and many wonderful meals out in the area. For me, a highlight was watching the sunset over the water with my family and several local people.  God’s beauty surrounded us all in a magnificent display of the colors of His love.

The Season of Souls

Returning home, autumn is upon us with rainy weather and cooler temperatures.  The season always makes me contemplative, and intensely domestic.  I have begun decorating in fall colors and I made pumpkin-chocolate chip bread, which I enjoyed too much.  I have come to realize that the season brings a thinning of the veil.  The spirit of memory surrounds me, and angels dance in my mind.

Shifting From Anxiety to Trust

My son Jon shared my love of autumn and the cascade of the holidays and cooler weather that it heralds.  He loved to run in the rain and in storms, which always caused me to fret with motherly worry.  But today I feel a piercing of the fog of anxiety and angst.  My son Ben is going to be released in November.  He will be forging a new life in a new area, and moving into a home that his girlfriend is preparing for him.  He has support and love all around him.  I feel a sense of emancipation in my soul.  My anxiety feels manageable and even ridiculous.  Worrying is foolish when faith is at the center of my being.

Grief is a Universal Experience

The emotion of grief can pertain to many things – loss of a dear person, loss of a precious pet, a marriage, or the loss of a life that you envisioned for yourself or you loved ones.  It is part of the human condition that our lives are made to end, and circumstances are not always going to play out as we would wish.    After divorcing my first husband, my path was filled with sorrow at the changes it wrought for my life and the lives of our sons. At that time, I learned coping mechanisms such as forcing myself to smile and making myself stop endlessly discussing my sad state, and found that good things came back to me, which elevated my mood in a very positive cycle. I put away bitterness.

Coping

It has been almost four years since losing my son Jon.  He will always be at the center of my heart, and my mind will always swirl with the memories I carry of him.  Joining my sweet little church, the friendships I have made there, and my spiritual growth has been the primary light on my path.  I have felt the steady hand of Jesus on my back along my way. I am blessed with a loving husband who lightens my mood daily, as does our golden retriever.  I can highly recommend taking a daily walk.  The soul expands and much is given back by noticing the beauty of nature every day.  The practice of sitting quietly in prayer, of reflecting, of meditating, is a daily necessity for me.  Lately I notice myself going to prayer in my mind more frequently.  Practicing gratitude is another method which can be life saving.  Some people write a gratitude journal, others incorporate it into their meditations.  I am thankful for God’s beautiful world.  I am thankful for the time I had with my boys when they were small, and their sweetness and boyish endeavors.  I am grateful for the smallest of things – the pattern of various shades of green out my back window, and the variety of birds at the feeder.  Helping other people around you is another way to help yourself.  

Gratitude for the simple things is a path out of depression and anxiety.  Gratitude for the blessings of God sets us on the lighted way.

 

Music, Poetry and Quotes that Promote Wellbeing

The following is a song I heard for the first time when I was driving, and it spoke to me of simple pleasures and sweet times.

https://youtu.be/SVKpXf8B_XI

“When you take the time to draw on your listening-imagination, you will begin to hear this gentle voice at the heart of your life.  It is deeper and surer than all the other voices of disappointment, unease, self-criticism, and bleakness.  All holiness is about learning to hear the voice of your own soul.  It is always there and the more you listen, the greater surprises and discoveries that will unfold.  To enter in to the gentleness of your own soul changes the tone and quality of your life.  Your life no longer will be consumed by hunger for the next event, experience or achievement.  You learn to come down from the treadmill and walk on the earth.  You gain a new respect for yourself and others and you learn to see how wonderfully precious this one life is.  You begin to see thought the enchanting veils of illusion that you had taken for reality.  You no longer squander yourself on things and situations that deplete your essence.  You know now that your true source is not outside you.  Your soul is your true source and a new energy and passion awakens in you.”

John O’Donohue, Divine Beauty.

IN THE HEART

Ana Lisa de Jong

God is in the heart of us
as seed, as core.

And we must peel
the orange’s skin,

feel the parring knife
and its juice run,

in tears,
in trembling joy,

to feel him within.

To know him, not just as Word
or thought,

but as real as the seed in our mouth,

as the core around which the apple
is formed.

God is in the heart of us
that we are not separate or alone.

For God in the flesh
where pain is felt,

plants himself and reaches out.

“I am perfectly imperfect and I’m here to learn.” Satsung

“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” Doris Day